how to clean a couch

there are 3 ways of doing things . the right way . the wrong way . and my way , which is basically the wrong way X6 .

step 1 . lay on the couch and think about bad it smells .

step 2. a week later lay on the couch and think about how bad it smells .

step 3 . remove the cushion covers .

step 4. throw them in the washing machine with soap .

step 5 . put the washer on the highest water temperature .

step 6. put the covers in the dryer at the highest temperature .

step 7 . get distracted , and forget about the dryer .

step 8 . the covers are dry , and realize that they shrank and are now too small for the couch .

step 9 . go to sleep and deal with it in the morning .

step 10 . fold the cushions in half and use my feet to kick them into the covers .

step 11. accidentally break the zippers . but the cushions are in there , so thats good .

step 12 . get out my sewing stuff and hand stitch the zippers shut .

step 13 . step back and admire a clean , lumpy couch .

step 14 . realize i accidentally lost my scissors in the cushion i just sewed shut .

step 15 . dont tell anyone about the scissors .

whole foods

i shop at whole foods a lot . i love whole foods . i found some interesting items at whole foods that can be planted in the garden . ginger root can be grown just like the yam in one of my previous posts . ginger root grows into a beautiful plant .taro root can be planted half way into soil and grows into a tropical plant with huge leaves . i can get kind of ridiculous with growing plants . in the bulk spices section of whole foods there are some spices that will grow . i have has success with fennel seeds , caraway seeds , poppies seeds , cumin ,mustard seed , and quite a few others .

SpermLeaf the Tadpole

Has Back Legs !

the stickers are starting to fill my mail box :)

so a lot of the free stickers that i have requested from all over the internet have already arrived . i am ever so happy .  stickers are cool , i gave some to my friends . also i have been making necklaces again . Here is a pic of a dream inspired necklace that i made yesterday .

have a happy rainbow sun shine day mother fuckers !

how to grow salad sprouts . (no pics , sorry)

i love eating those crunchy little sprouts on salads . and its super easy to grow your own yummy little sprouts . some common ones that are served on salad and sandwiches are :

 broccoli
mung beans - these are the thick ones
alfalfa
and radish - a little bit spicy

So first get a bag of seeds , my fav to grow for this is alfalfa but all the sprouts i have listed are grown the same way . i got organic grade A alfalfa seeds online . get a big clear glass mason jar . the kind used for canning . rinse it out very well with hot water . add about 3 tables spoons of seeds and fill the jar half way with hot water . i set the flat part of the lid aside , i dont really need it for this . i used a few layers of plastic netting (from a bag that oranges came in ) to cover the top of the jar . then simply screw the jar lid rim into place holding the netting over the top . let the seeds soak for about 12 hours , or over night .  tip the jar over to pour the water out , rinse with warm water a few times . then leave it alone , i just set the jar next to the sink . some people say to grow sprouts in complete darkness , others have said a sunny window . i choose neither . rinse the seeds with warm water once or twice a day . it only takes about 4 or  5 days before they are ready to be eaten . for the best results only make what you are going to eat at once . they dont save well .  3 table spoons of seeds will fill a quart jar to the brim with tasty little  healthy sprouts .

other fun easy gardening ideas.

i have had a lot of interest in the yam plant , even my crazy mom started one today. so here is some other fun plants to grow .
Bell Peppers ! you know how when you cut up a bell pepper in the kitchen its full of seeds? well , grow a bell pepper plant . first remove the seeds , this can be easily done with your fingers . place the seeds on a small plate in a warm sunny window , the idea is to let the seeds dry out for a day . you can store the extra seeds in a paper envelope . remember to write what kind of seeds are in there and the date .

so now you have some nice dried bell pepper seeds . the easiest way to sprout them is getting a small container , put some soil in it , and drop a few seeds on the top of the soil . cover them with about 1/2 an inch of more soil . water them . put it in a sunny window . keep the soil moist , but not soggy . in about 11 days the cute little sprouts will be growing threw the dirt .
 if your house is very cold you could place an empty glass jar over the container . like a mini green house . bell peppers take a while to get big . i would only recommend putting 2 or 3 seeds per container . i started some peppers in September and now its January and i am seeing the first flowers . if you are growing the bell peppers indoors , there might be an issue with pollination . i dont have a lot of bees and butterfly's in my bedroom , i use a small fluffy paintbrush to gently pollinate the flowers . it works like a charm !

      another fun gardening project is growing a avocado plant (tree?) from the pit of an avocado . just like the yam , you place toothpicks around the middle and suspend the pit half way in the water . change the water regularly . the pit will began to crack down the middle   , after a few months . i waited for my pit to start doing things for almost 3 months . when i eventually saw a big root growing out the bottom , i rejoiced ! and planted the avocado pit into some soil , with a nice layer of moss on top . its been less then 3 weeks since the pit started growing a root , and the sprout is growing very well , it has leaves , and is almost 7 inches tall . i have been told to cut the plant back when it gets this tall , but , that sucks . i waited a long time for this guy to grow . i have also been told that it wont ever grow fruit because the area i live is cold and dry . but thats ok , its a cute plant .  i am glad i didnt give up on it .

another fun plant to grow is tomatoes . i had a organic roma tomato in the back of my fridge for way too long , it was gooey . but luckily , tomato seeds will only grow if they ferment first . so i cut the gross tomato open and squeezed the guts into a glass of warm water , and set it in the window to ferment some more , it smelled weird . after 2 days i poured the gut water threw a metal screen and got the gooey pieces off the seeds the best i could . some of the seeds i set on a plate in the sun to dry out and store for later . the other , non dried seeds , i planted in some containers of soil . again , only put 2 or 3 seeds in a container . its always surprising how many seeds sprout . with the tomatoes and bell peppers i didnt have a single dud . water , and in 2 weeks or so they will start popping out the dirt . i started the tomatoes in the 1 week of October , now its Jan and they are huge ! the one in the bedroom is almost 3 feet tall , and all the tomato plants are starting to get flowers . tomatoes are pollinated by "buzz pollination " thats when a bee lands on the plant and the small fast vibrations from the bees shake the flowers and pollinate them . i have found that when growing tomatoes indoors the best way to mimic Buzz Pollination is with my vibrator . it works great . and for my friends who love taking home veggies i grow , i thought i should let you know , i wash my sex toys before And after i use them on myself    , and in the garden .

and sorry that the pic is sideways . either way , i hope you enjoy .
 

How To Grow a Yam

well , i have had a lot of people ask me how i did this fun little gardening project , so i might as well post it on my blog , right?

what i did was i got a yam from the store , any grocery store will do . i picked out a pointy looking one , but i dont think it makes a difference . i took it home , rinsed it in cold water , and poked tooth picks in it , around the middle . i used 3 tooth picks . then i suspended the yam in a cup of water , the tooth picks held it up so it was half way in the water , half way out of the water . every other day i changed the water because it got cloudy . after about 13 days i started seeing roots and then i potted it in a plastic plant container with holes in the bottom , using organic potting soil and set the yam in a sunny window . it grew very fast .  

also as an added note , the roots grew first , the leaves started growing about 9 days after i potted it in soil . this yam in the photo has been growing for about 3 months . 

(more) paid market research

i suggested to my husband Nic that he would love doing the paid market research studies , so he signed up . he filled it out last night , and this morning he got an email with the details . he is going to taste ice creams for a half an hour , give his opinion , and get 30 $ cash . it sounds a lot more fun then sitting in a room with uptight bitches talking about legalizing weed. fucking bitches ... i like ice cream ..

stickers in the mail!

I when online a week ago , looking for free stickers . i didnt care what kind of stickers , as long as they were free . so far so good! This isnt even a fraction of what i am going to get in the mail over the next few months . yay for free stickers!

paid market research study

Yesterday morning i got a phone call saying that i had been approved for a paid market research study that i found threw craigslist . For 2 hours between 5:30 and 7:30 i attended that focus group , the subject was Legalizing Marijuana in Colorado for anyone over the age 21 . there was 9 other chicks besides me  . every single chick was white , with dark hair , wearing glasses , and kinda pudgy . I guess i really should have been on my best behavior , but i wasnt . within the first few mins the guy leading the group was explaining that there is people on the other side of the mirror watching everyone , and taking notes . He went on to say that the people on the other side of the mirror can see us , but we cannot see them . I informed everyone that if i flicked off the lights we would see them , and then i flicked off the lights . on the other side of the mirror was 12 guys in suits at a table taking notes .. nobody was happy about this . during the discussion , i yelled at one of the other participants , and i cuss a lot .One of the questions he asked everyone was : "what do you like to do for fun?" i said "hookers ". When it was over , they gave me 75 $ (as promised ) and told me that accudata has flagged my info , and i cannot join another market research group with accudata .   

It was kinda interesting  , i think Nic would have more fun doing this then i did .

frozen road tripping

Me and my super forgetful husband went on a short road trip to GWS and new castle , and of coarse we had BoonDox with us . It was horrible . A frozen frustrating hell of being cold , and having wet shoes.  Here is the run down of the trip , good and bad. 

~ our geo doesnt work in the snow 
~ Nic doesnt know how to put snow chains on 
~ a cross dresser gave me super cute jeans 
~ and tank tops 
~ glenwood springs is way colder then denver 
~ BoonDox puked in the car , on her own foot .
~ Nic didnt go to jail , and he talked the judge down to a 56 dollar fine 
~i never made it to the 'post independent  ' news paper headquarters 
~ i sold a skirt that i made , with requests for more 
~ we saw our missing roommate , he gave us rent moneys and the cost to replace my glasses (dickface)
~ he ordered a replacement ID
~ i saw my cousin Angela , she was canning food . and insisted that i take some tattoo mags .
~i was naked in the snow
~ Aspen sucks . The Aspen thrift store sucks too . i personally dont think that paying 42$ for a skirt is a good deal , and i dont give a shit if it costs 600$ new .

weird dreams surrounded my sleep.

Last night i had a very strange dream . Me and my husband Nic were running threw a dark cold industrial area , the plan was to break into a warehouse . to accompany us on this dangerous mission be brought along a tall cross dressing gay guy that didn't speak . His name was Stinky . We had just made it threw a chain link fence , when i started having a horrible itch on my back . I started to pulled plastic shopping bags out of my spine , Stinky silently warned me not to. But i kept pulling , it was my spinal cord , i then shattered into pieces of small chalk cubes .  i woke up with a headache . i never figured out what was so dangerous , or what was in the warehouse.     

On a unrelated matter Nic has the next 5 days off of work . Since living with Nic , i have learned a few things . One of those things is how to pack a backpack . Nic is a little unpredictable (and he is a ninja), so , its always important to bring my backpack with me . And i always need to have this shit with me :

my pills
candy/food
extra socks
notebook
pens
cell phone
mp3 player
boondox's leash
hoodie (even if it is warm outside)
knife
unopened bottle of superglue
camera
water

i didnt get tattooed , and i am glad ..

i have been craving a new tattoo for months . i have drawn up the design . i wanted to get scissors tattooed on my throat . i found a tattoo guy online . his name is Todd Ryan . he works at Taz Tattoo located at the seven hills shopping center 18541 e hampden ave 120 aurora 80013 . i was very excited , and had been counting down the days . yesterday at 2:PM was my appointment , i showed up 10 mins early . when i got to Taz Tattoos i was immediately disappointed . the staff was rude , as soon as i walked in the door. it was a small waiting room , filled with 6 loud guys watching the TV show Cops . and talking about different times they were all arrested . Todd , the artist wasnt there yet . i noticed how the floor was filthy  , the trash can was over flowing , a fly was buzzing around , there was cigarette butts in the window . i felt very uncomfortable . i have a lot of tattoos , this is the only tattoo shop i have ever been to that made me uncomfortable  . by 2:30 the tattoo artist , Todd , still hadn't showed up . the reception lady called his phone , i could easily overhear  the conversation , he was too hungover to move . the receptionist got off the phone and lied to me , saying his car broke down . i left . Todd sent me an immature short email   that basically said "oh well , i dont care, go somewhere else bitch ."

 i sent him a reply . this is a copy of it .


 Your shop was dirty , and the staff was rude . i Will go somewhere else . its not that hard to run a respectable business .
1) keep a clean shop.
 2) keep appointments
 3) treat consumers nicely.
 4) dont have a bunch of loud stoned idiots hanging out in the waiting area
 5) if your not going to keep an appointment then Call the person
. 6) if a random stranger is giving you tips on how to run a respectable shop , your doing something wrong
. 7) getting angry at someone who is disappointed in the way you are handling yourself is a huge red flag and screams immaturity

have you ever thought about reading a book about running a successful  business ?  these  books can be found at the library . i would also like to suggest you take a course in blood pathogens . maybe you should visit other tattoo shops in the area to see how it should be done , yes? 

i would not suggest going to Taz Tattoos , but this is just my experience  . peace , have a good day blog readers !

i almost forgot ,Project Updates !

Yesterday i went to the local fish tank supply store , to get a bag of feeder fish for Crunchy , the crawfish . in the mix of colorful gold fish there was a little tadpole . i am very excited about this ramdom tadpole , and i set up a nice little tank for him , a 20 gal tall glass tank , a few inches of water , 2 big rocks for him to climb on (when he has legs ) and a little filter pump . i added the filter because everyone likes clean water, right ?  i have no idea what kind of frog he will be , but i named him Spermleaf , because he looks a cross between a huge sperm and a leaf .

 also , it was hard to photograph him .. and below is a pic of the avocado pit that finally hatched . i have been waiting for it to do something since the first week or October, a week ago it split open and has been growing great since then !  it has leaves too <3    

this is also the first time i am going tomatoes , i grew from seeds that came from a rotting organic tomato i found in the back of my fridge ..

the tomatoes are growing out of 5 gal buckets in the bedroom window . i am not sure what i was thinking , i had started about 40 tomato seeds in December . the snow on the Colorado mountain tops  made me kind of sad this year . So most of the seeds sprouted , and started growing very fast . i had posted on craigslist , and gave away almost 30 plants . for free . But i think i still have too many .

this is last summer , in Manitou Springs , colorado. it was so hot , i ended up swimming naked in a cold waterfall , a bunch of tourists watched the spectacle and one took a photo . i guess its not every day you get to see a naked tattooed chick with a mohawk  swimming under a water fall in public .

my new blog ..

well , this is the start of my blog .  i am shannon , and i am kinda crazy .  

 so a couple of summers ago - when i was a hobo-  i had taken a gray hound bus from glenwood springs CO , over to Huntsville Alabama .. i was on a mission to visit my best friend Aisha and even tho the visit did go the way i wanted it to , i love her . its funny how over the years people change . 


on Sunday me and my husband Nic are planning a short trip to Glenwood Springs . Last time we went to GWS  , it was right before the horrible holiday in December and we had a small car packed with 

BoonDox the dog 
dog food 
blankets 
food 
my backpack
nic
the roommate Phil 
and some art supply .


we have a small Geo Metro with a missing bumper , and BoonDox is a big dog . after the fun and adventure in Glenwood Springs (thats another story ) we headed back to Denver . For some reason the car seemed less cramped . I realized what it was when we passed threw Vail . Poor Phil had been forgotten .. After about 20 mins of laughing (and not turning around) i called his cell phone . 
 "we dont have the time , or gas money to go get you , either hitch hike back to denver , or stay there and get a job"  I told him over the phone . Three days later Phil sent me an email ,, he got a job at the Aspen School District. mopping floors , cleaning toilets ,and washing windows ..  its been well over 3 weeks now , and he needs to pay his part of the rent , so we are headed back to GWS . I love my friends.. Also we have to go back because Nic got a trespassing ticket and id due in court .. 

this is BoonDox , she is half boarder collie and half great Pyrenees..my  big smart dog , that likes to jump , and sheds way too much .